Sea Patrol Online
by The HongKonger
Summary: What you get when a certain Australian Navy ship meets online Social Networking.


**This was originally posted on SP Forums. **

**

* * *

**

It was shore leave and everyone was exhausted. The trip back was longer than expected because they were caught in a tropical cyclone that did not make the boat capsize but it definitely made their stomachs. So when everyone made it to port they all caught a taxi straight home. However they did not go to bed as they were too nauseous to sleep and their bedrooms kept moving. Several of the stumbled but the rest of them crawled towards the screen sitting on their desk. Their fingers hovered over the exact same keys as each other as they typed in the URL address. Then the front page popped open and smiles appeared on their faces. Facebook: Facebook helps you connect and share with people in your life.

You have been poked by Billy Webb, Poke Back.

Bomber looked at this. Did she really want to start this war on shore leave as well? The ball was in her hands and did she want to aim it at his chest or at his head. Her cursor hovered over the little blue link that would possibly destroy all peace on the social networking site. Then she sneezed, her hand slipped, hitting the left mouse button. _Oh God! What had she done? She was doomed._

RO shook his head in disbelief. He had secretly being doing it while on board but somehow another sailor had overtaken him. Yet there it was, ranking him 2nd and Leo Kosov-Meyer ranking 1st. RO was by far more intelligent than the co-Electronic Technician. Then how on earth had 2Dads beaten him on Family Feud? He went onto 2Dad's wall and posted.

You Cheated on Family Feud.

Buffer and Swain were on the same application, both trying to outdo each other in Texas Holdem Poker. Both were failing so bad that in the chat section, random people were commenting with:

Lol! and Thank you!

They were both on private chat and they decided to team up.

Pete Tomaszewski: OK, you take out this Charlie Ado guy while you take out this Asray Ado chick.

Chris Blake: No Problem Buffer, they cannot be too hard one on one.

They were proved wrong as both lost all their chips in three rounds and had to come back later for the daily lotto.

ET, being the technical one of the crew was on pages making, of course, a new page. He typed in the heading and sent invites out to everyone.

Nav looked at her Requests bar and saw that she was invited to a page by Josh Holiday. She looked at the title:

HMAS Hammersley FTW!

Nav clicked join and was instantaneously taken to the page where ET had already began posting things like

Hammersley is so cool!  
I'm a Navy Sailor on Hammersley  
Etc. etc.

If they were a good team on the boat then they were a good team online as Kate McGregor aka Asray Ado and Mike Flynn aka Charlie Ado were kicking serious ass in Poker…well their Coxswain and one of their Bosons'. ET had told them they were able to change their user names through some technological back door which lead them to just asking him to do it for them. When the pair finally managed to swallow the winnings and kick their subordinates out of the game, they left the application. The X even went to the extent of going on Buffers wall.

How's shore Leave?

Dutchy decided to be more constructive. He decided that he should do something original, something that required his patience as co-Bosun with Buffer. As his dinosaur cursor elegantly panned the screen, he clicked once, twice, three times. He looked over his creation with pride. He Farm had been harvested.

You have leveled up. Want to Post to Wall?

He clicked yes.

Charge was not one for games, instead he was furiously clicking 'like' to as many pages as he could. He sent invites to everyone and added anyone who befriended him. Unfortunately this lead to many 'friends' spamming his wall and asking him to stop sending them invites. Friends including RO, Spider and Buffer. He ignored them and began spamming Bird's wall with youtube links.

Bird groaned as she saw Charge posting video after video of random clips off TV shows she's never heard of. Then she received a link from 2Dads. He's a funny guy, must've found something decent. She regretted it later as she found out it was a pop-out video that caused her to scream. She then went through her computer documents and uploaded a video to her facebook profile.

2Dads faceplants after diving off stage whilst Singing Single Ladies.

She tagged her crew and let the revenge do the work for her.

Spider was in a 'poke' war with Bomber and stalked all her albums. That was until her found one of her with hair to her waist and eyes lined. What shocked him the most was that her hair was black with blue highlights. He was so posting this to ET's fanpage. He found that the rest of the crew had joined almost ten minutes after ET added it and several comments appeared.

Pete Tomaszewski: Wow Bomber, never saw this side of you before  
Nikki Caetano: Damn Girl!  
Leo Kosov-Meyer: Hawt!  
Jessica Bird: You look very nice Bomber  
Billy Webb: You're only saying that cuz you're scared she's gonna poison your food if u say sumfin bad  
Leo Kosov-Meyer: I can see why you failed school.  
Nikki Caetano: Yep  
Chris Blake: Lost for Words Bomber…  
Billy Webb: Understatement of the year  
Jessica Bird and Nikki Caetano Likes  
Andy Thorpe: Sorry…I was staring at it during the entire conversation. You spammed my notification bar.  
Pete Tomaszewski: How are you liking it now big fella?  
Leo Kosov-Meyer, Jessica Bird and Robert Dixon Likes.

Suddenly they all got a notification not part of the conversation. An image of Spider at the age of 6 was wearing a Barbie dress and a princess tiara. Posted by none other than Rebecca Brown.

Leo Kosov-Meyer: Pfftt! Bomber wins  
Jessica Bird: Agreed  
Andy Thorpe: Bwahahaha  
Nikki Caetano: D'awww. Widdle Spider.  
Josh Holiday: *The incy wincy spider when up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain and the incy wincy spider went up the spout again.  
Andy Thorpe, Jessica Bird, Leo Kosov-Meyer, Rebecca Brown, Pete Tomaszewski, Dylan Mulholland, Nikki Caetano and Robert Dixon Likes.  
Rebecca Brown: Someone is scared that the rain is going to get them!  
Jessica Bird: Hey Barbie…where's Ken?  
Leo Kosov-Meyer: Do you want to go for a ride?  
Dylan Mulholland: Is being made of plastic really that fantastic?  
Billy Webb: Bomber, I hate you.  
Rebecca Brown: I love you too  
Andy Thorpe: ooh! *hums wedding march*  
Nikki Caetano: Spider is of course the bride.  
Rebecca Brown: Nav, I'm not a lesbian.  
Nikkia Caetano: That's a shame. You would've made a really cute couple.

5 minutes later  
Josh Holiday: Funny. She hasn't replied yet.  
Leo Kosov-Meyer: Has the truth finally been revealed?  
Pete Tomaszewski: That Bomber is a lesbian?  
Robert Dixon: God No!  
Jessica Bird: I have a feeling but I'm not sure.  
Nikki Caetano: What?  
Pete Tomaszewski: What?  
Leo Kosov-Meyer: What?  
Rebecca Brown: Bird you are a legend!

Completely oblivious to one Leo Kosov-Meyer, Bomber had all Private Messaged everyone else to a specific video posted by one Jessica Bird.

Rebecca Brown: See! This is why I hadn't posted.  
Nikki Caetano: Good enough reason, I forgive you.  
Pete Tomaszewski: OMG. He is not allowed on the boat.  
Andy Thorpe: Agreed  
Dylan Mulholland: Face Plant!  
Jessica Bird: Just a bit of stalking, that's all it took.  
Billy Webb: I'm scared and proud of you Bird.  
Josh Holiday: I agree with Barbie!  
Billy Webb: Watch is ET.  
Jessica Bird: Yeah. He might take your phone away so you cannot call home.  
Josh Holiday: Like I've never heard that one before.

2Dads got a text from the CO a day before leaving port, asking if he could drop by NavCom to see Commander White who had requested a private meeting. Upon arriving he walked up to her desk with caution.

"You may change your password now."

"Yes maam," he replied.

"Apparently I overtook someone called Robert Dixon.

"He's going to give me hell," he murmured to himself as he walked away.

Here is the disclaimer: I do not own Sea Patrol or Facebook.

This is not serious by any means, just playing with my favorite TV shows character.


End file.
